A smooth-talking saint?

I had never given much thought to today's topic, but when the Lord pressed me to study flattery, I was really amazed by the nuggets He revealed. To begin, we need to establish some definitions...

Gossip: something that is true, but negatively said about a person when they are absent that would or could damage their reputation or tear them down.

Slander: something that is not true and negatively said about a person when they are present or absent that would or could damage their reputation or tear them down.

Encouragement: something that is true and positively said to a person when they are present that is meant for their own advantage.

Praise: something that is true and positively said about a person when they are present or absent that would or could build their reputation and builds them up for their own advantage.

Flattery: something that is true or untrue, but positively said about a person when they are present or absent meant to gain a personal advantage. It is insincere praise.

Proverbs 26:28 – A lying tongue hates those it wounds and crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Job 32:21-22 – I will not show partiality to any man or use flattery toward any person, for I do not know how to flatter, else my Maker would soon take me away.

Psalm 5:9 – There is no truth in their mouth, their inmost self is destruction, their throat is an open grave, they flatter with their tongue.

Psalm 12:2 – Everyone utters lies to his neighbor, with flattering lips and a double tongue (or heart) they speak.

Proverbs 7:21 KJV – With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.

Scripture never mentions flattery positively or as something that a Christian should do. In fact, the opposite is true. Christians should not practice flattery. Honestly, I’ve never sat in a church service where a sermon on flattery was preached. But if the scripture is going to use such strong language around that word, then we ought to know what it is, what it does and why we should avoid it.

In the OT, the Hebrew word that is used for flattery is: Chalaq (khaw-lawk) [Strong's 2509] and it means smooth, smoother, use of smooth words, smooth tongue, slippery.

In the little “c” church, I have experienced some pastors or teachers who implement flattery to gain a following; catering messages to focus more on discovering Your anointing, developing Your prophetic greatness, etc. We cannot elevate the vessel who wields the gift above the giver of the gift. When they called Jesus a ‘good teacher’, he said that no one is good, but the Father (Mark 10:18). Meaning that our attention should always be on Him, on the Father, because even Jesus said: I only do what I see My Father do. We are sinners saved by grace alone. Anyone who tries to tell you that you are something better than you are is not your friend and they probably have an agenda. Now, is a sinner saved by grace all we are? Definitely not. But that is the place we all need to start, that is the starting line. How many think they are running the race of faith, but they haven’t even begun because they have been called up, but never called out in the love and truth of the Gospel? They’ve been flattered with smooth words, slippery sermons, self-focused messages, catchy book titles and quotable one-liners. We are meant to be iron that sharpens iron; there is nothing smooth about that. Sometimes sparks fly and if sparks never fly then maybe you are trying too hard to please man in which case the Word says you cannot be a servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10).

Proverbs 6 & 7 warn of the adulteress woman and flattery is often the first step to an adulterous affair. For Solomon to warn of such a thing, the man who collected 700 wives, he ought to know.

Proverbs 7: 21 – with flattering lips she forced him… flattery is manipulative, coercive, forceful. Honestly, though, I wonder how many people realize that’s what they are doing most of the time or if they are consciously aware. Flattery is primarily about people’s motive and intention. We can’t read motive and intention. We may not always know we are being flattered and we may not even realize we are flattering someone. Ignorance doesn’t excuse flattery, but it does encourage a strong guard because it is something that can be so subtle and sly.

Sometimes people will say things they don’t mean just because their own ears want to hear those same words said back to them. They say ‘I love you’ because they want the other person to say it back. They want to hear that they are loved, or they are smart, or they are appreciated or they are good at something. That’s not a compliment. That’s not encouragement. That’s flattery. It is selfish and insincere. You are manipulating and using the other person to affirm yourself. In reality, if that is the motive of your heart, affirmation is the last thing you need, you need healing and you need correction. Sometimes when someone speaks to us we may feel an internal ‘tug’ to reply in kind. For instance, when someone says, ‘You look nice today,’ if we feel the need, or if we feel compelled or obligated to ‘compliment’ them for ‘complimenting’ us, that is the subtle force behind flattery. It’s not encouragement. It’s not a compliment. It’s not praise. It’s flattery. I think so much of what is called ‘midwestern nice’ is flattery. “They said something nice, now I have to say something nice”.

Proverbs 29:5 – Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet.

What is the net that is set? What is the trap with flattery? If you respond in kind to their flattery, then you have flattered. They caught you. You have spoken insincerely. You have lied. You just did the same thing they did. One way to tell if it is flattery is that flattery will often get offended if you do not reply in kind. But love will not. In love, you don’t owe me anything. You don’t owe me the same response. You don’t owe me encouragement. We are instructed to encourage each other daily, but that doesn’t mean we carry an entitled attitude about it and it doesn’t mean we become offended if it doesn’t happen.

Flattery in Greek is the word: Kolakeia (kol-ak-i-eh) [Strong's 2850]. It means: flattery with a view of advantage or gain. This specific word only occurs once in the NT in

1 Thessalonians 2:5-6 - “For as you well know, we never came with words of flattery nor with a pretext for greed – God is our witness, nor did we seek glory and honor from people, neither from you nor from anyone else, though as apostles of Christ, we had the power to assert our authority.” AMP

It is important that this Greek word appears in a sentence with the word greed because flattery is manipulative and the flatterer is trying to get something from you. Even though this specific Greek word is only used once, a similar meaning is implied in Jude verse 16

“These people are habitual murmurers, griping and complaining, following their own desires controlled by passion, they speak arrogantly, pretending to admire and flattering people to gain an advantage.” AMP

In this context of Jude, he is speaking of the ungodly and how they behave. However, what we need to be mindful of as those who are godly, from an Ezekiel 18 perspective, is that if the godly do ungodly things long enough, it can lead them to no longer be godly. The word admire in the Greek means to marvel or wonder at, it can also mean the person is influenced by partiality. But they are pretending. Their wonder, their regard, their amazement and their partiality is all insincere. And so then the words, the flattery that comes from their mouth is insincere. And the agenda is to gain a personal advantage. They will puff you up as the most important person in the room because then they become the one closest to the most important person in the room. Or their reputation is improved because of their association with you and your reputation. Or they will use their words to get words from you. And this will continue. As long as you are a benefit to them and not a threat, as long as you are useful to them and not challenging them, as long as you are profitable to them and not questioning them, and as long as you feed their flattery and don’t rebuke them, they will be loyal to you, but not because they love you, not because they actually admire you, not because they actually have regard or respect for you, but because they selfishly need you. And this is exactly why Paul said that he NEVER did this in Thessalonica. As an Apostle of Christ, I had authority, but that’s not how I played the cards because this is such a bad representation. That is not what authority is for.

In Psalm 78:36-37 it reads, “Nevertheless, they flattered Him with their mouths and lied to Him with their tongues. For their heart was not steadfast toward Him, nor were they faithful to His covenant.” It sounds similar to when Jesus said, “These people honor me with their mouths, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain…” (Matthew 15:8-9).

The fallen human nature will even attempt to flatter God if left unchecked. Israel flattered God, they lied to Him. Flattery is a lie, it is insincere speech, insincere praise, even insincere prayer. Do you know that to take the Name of the Lord in vain is not just using His name as a cuss word? It is not just saying, “Thus saith the Lord” when He did not say. To take His name in vain is also praying in His name, through His name, but not believing in His name. The only way to use His name is in reverence and in absolute faith, any other way is vanity!

To think about this reference in Psalm 78, remember the Hebrew word for flattery is ‘smooth’, so perhaps they were trying to smooth things over with God after all their sin, saying smooth words, offering smooth praises, saying smooth prayers. Nothing with true repentance, though. And if you think of this in the terms you find in Jude 16, perhaps they were trying to make room for themselves with God or trying to make God move in a direction that they wanted Him to go. After all, we are his chosen people, there is a benefit for us in this. He is useful to us. There is a personal advantage here. He did deliver us from Egypt. He has done miracles for us. He is profitable to us. So, we will pretend to admire Him, without actually loving Him. We will use smooth words, we’ll use flattery, not to keep the relationship, but to keep the benefits of the relationship because those are personally advantageous for us.

James 3:16 – For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder [unrest, rebellion] and every evil thing and every morally degrading practice. AMP

This word selfish ambition in the Greek has a meaning of: acting for one’s own gain, regardless of the strife or discord that it causes (Strong's 2052). Your care is not for what the Lord deems as right or for the good of other people. Your care is for your needs to be met, for you to have what you want, and for your ego, pride or insecurity to be fed. So, when selfish ambition is your drive, it makes room for every evil thing; it creates space and provides opportunity for every morally degrading practice in your life because when selfishness is your motive you will stop at nothing.

Matthew 12:33-37 - Either make the tree good and its fruit good or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

Some translations say every idle word, but careless is a better definition for the Greek word that’s used. It’s a word you say without thinking, a word you say without meaning it. It’s a careless word, or even a lazy word, a word that doesn’t require effort to speak, or a word that just slips out. We are going to have to give an account for every word we have spoken. Not only that but we are justified or condemned by our words. More poignantly, our motive behind the word is what solidifies our justification or our condemnation. We can quote scripture, but if our motive is to cut the other person with it, we are not justified in that. Are we building someone up with praise because kind words are like honey, or because if they are in a good mood our day goes better? Condemned. It’s selfish, it’s flattery, it’s insincere and it makes room for every evil thing. You can add sarcasm in this conversation, too. Sarcasm is often insincere words at another’s expense, when you say one thing and mean another and it’s often in a hurtful or demeaning way. Jesus never spoke with sarcasm. This isn’t to say that you can’t be funny, or silly, or have lighthearted bantering or joking in your relationships, but it always goes back to motive.

Proverbs 27:19 – As in water face reflects face, so the heart of a man reflects the man.

Our motives, intentions and heart represent who and where we really are. So much of what we’ve talked about today is not obvious and we often do not spend time thinking about what we are thinking about. Much of these things are subconscious and so we usually don’t recognize our motives until after the fact in hindsight. We can hear all of this and be tempted to feel like we haven’t done anything right. When we fail, we repent and when we know better, we do better, and we go from glory to glory with the Lord. There is only one way to really know and discern our motives.

Hebrews 4:12 – For the Word of God is alive and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

The Word is our necessary tool to understanding even our hidden, subconscious motives. It may be hidden in us, but there is nothing we can hide from Him. When we allow ourselves to be washed with the water of the Word, when we look into it as water, or as a mirror like James talks about, we can behold what manner of man we really are. The Word tells us the truth about who we really are in our fallen nature and who we really are in our new nature.

Isaiah 6:1-8 - In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!” And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.” And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here I am ! Send me."

Isaiah has a vision and sees the Lord and the first and only thing he can say is “I am a man of unclean lips and I dwell in the midst of a people with unclean lips”! Seeing the Holy God made Him immediately aware of one particular thing – his words and how unholy they often are. That’s the area where he is first convicted in his life. It’s only after an encounter with the Lord, only after the coal has touched his lips, that he is able to volunteer himself to the Lord’s work, saying, “Here I am. Send me.” We cannot be God’s mouthpiece when our mouths have not been cauterized. And if we try to, we will end up like Israel in the book of Ezekiel, profaning His Name everywhere we go. People may sincerely desire to be used by God, and honestly, it’s not a bad desire and He can use us in spite of us any time He wishes. However, I really believe there is a distinction between being used by God and working with God. There are vessels for honor and vessels for dishonor. God used Pharaoh; God used Judas.

But John 5:16-17 says, “For this reason the Jews persecuted Him and sought to kill Him, because He had done these things on the Sabbath. But Jesus answered them, “My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.”

And in 1 Corinthians 15:58, it reads, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

So, anyone can be used by God. Indeed, everyone will be used by God for one purpose or another. But to do the work of God requires a relationship with God, an encounter with God, and a transformation of us becoming more like God. For Isaiah, it began with his mouth. And remember when the Holy Spirit was poured out upon the disciples in the upper room at Pentecost, how did He appear? As a tongue. A tongue on fire as if it could have been touched by a burning coal.  

The Bible tells us that when we are born again God gives us a new heart (Ezekiel 36). But we are instructed to renew our minds (Romans 12). So, the heart is new, but the mind is not. So when Jesus said that, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). That’s how it should be. Our words should come from our converted, saved, and new hearts. But how often do our words actually come from our unrenewed minds? How often do we speak our mind? How often do we give a piece of our mind? Again, only the Word can change this. Only the Word can cut, divide, and reveal our hidden motives. Only the Word can wash our minds and renew them. Only the Living Word can teach us how to speak and bring the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

John 1:1 – In the beginning was the Word. The Word was with God and the Word was God.